The Empowering Inner Potentional to End Violence

From a speech given by Bradford C. Perry

I want to talk tonight about the power that all of us have to make an impact on violence: the power to change ourselves. What I want everyone to take home with them is that the greatest revolutions begin from within individuals. Our revolution for equality has already begun when we critically examine the foundations of the violence in our culture, and see the ways it manifests in our daily lives. The most direct way to accomplish this is to question the roots of our own attitudes and actions, looking specifically for any elements that might be part of these foundations for violence. These elements are so subtle, so taken for granted and ingrained into our culture, that many people don't want to recognize them as problematic.

In our early years we are lumped into certain categories that will have a huge impact on our attitudes and behavior as adults. We learn early on that there are certain ways in which one is expected to think and act depending on how one fits into these categories. For example, for most of my life I have been expected to play the role of the young, white, middle?class, heterosexual male. These roles are reinforced and solidified by a culture that tells us we should treat people differently depending on their racial or ethnic background, their level of wealth, their spiritual beliefs, their sexual orientation, or their gender.

How one fits into these categories is of huge importance to understanding violence once one realizes that this arrangement is hierarchical, or places some groups and individuals at a higher status based on these categories. How you fit into each of these categories will largely dictate how you are valued by our culture. One need only look at the category into which every president and the vast majority of our Congress fit to see which categories our culture values most: white, middle to upper economic class, Christian, heterosexual men. This hierarchical structure is inherently problematic because it breeds oppression, the foundation of violence directed towards any one group.

When people of any category recognize the injustice that stems from this system, and begin to speak out for fairness and equality, members of the dominant groups often attempt to minimize or silence them. These efforts on the parts of the dominant groups to maintain an unjust status quo are the essence of oppression--and oppression has many faces. Before I concentrate on issues of oppression around the topic of gender and how it relates to men's violence against women, I want to acknowledge a few examples of some other types of oppression that are common in our society, because we are more than just women or men. The other ways in which we are categorized do have a real impact on how we are perceived and treated.

A white police officer stops and harasses an African?American man driving a Mercedes because the officer assumes the car must be stolen. A woman from a low socio?economic background presses charges against a wealthy, influential man who sexually harassed her, but she is told that she "really wanted it" since there is "no way some girl like her is going to say 'no' to such a prestigious man." A gay man is beaten and left for dead for no other reason than that he is not ashamed of who he is. The common thread through all of these examples is the dominant group's perception of an individual's identity. Identity-an individual's search, discovery, and claiming of identity is massively threatening to the dominant establishments. It says: "I now see the rules you want me to play by and why you set them up in the first place, and I will not accept them anymore. I refuse to live by someone else's pre?scripted ideals, so I will NOT play these games ANYMORE."

One way in which claiming one's own identity can help women and men change this climate of violence and oppression is through actively questioning the gender roles placed upon us by our culture. The foundation of sexual violence, as with most violence aimed at a particular group of people, is based on oppression; in this case the oppression is largely sexism and homophobia. And like all forms of oppression, sexism and homophobia use many tools, from myths and stereotypes about gender and sexual orientation, to harassment and outright violence, all in an attempt to keep women and men in line. When I talk about violence, I am referring to any act that is intended to damage or abuse, particularly acts intending to bring both physical and emotional harm. I call the violence I am referring to tonight men's violence against women because I want to make it clear who is committing 98% of sexual assault and almost 90% of all domestic violence. I am not saying that men cannot be raped or abused-they can, and most often at the hands of other men.

I want to talk for a second about male victims. Many of the same power dynamics that play into men raping women also play into men raping men. And by the way, when men are raped, it is almost always by a heterosexual-identified man. The same power and control issues exist. Often, rapists will target anyone who they perceive as weaker than them-if the victim is male, he tends to be perceived as "less manly" by the rapist. A lot of incarcerated rapists say that they chose to rape a man because it made them feel more powerful, more of "a real man" than raping a woman. They needed their traditional "masculine" values validated, and they did so through violence. When a rapist targets a gay man, there is also this same power dynamic. The gay man is seen as "less manly" and deviating too far out of the box of traditional "masculinity." Since many rapists have very rigid, traditional, "masculine" values, they may already have a lot of heterosexism operating, which will play into the de?humanizing of this victim.

I became involved in groups that deal with sexual assault issues because of my life experiences. My mother is a survivor of long-term childhood incest, and she began to recover memories and re-experience the abuse when I was 12 years old. I watched her go in and out of mental hospitals because she was suicidal, I watched her go into dissociative trances in the middle of a conversation, I watched her sob uncontrollably because she thought she was a horrible mother, I watched her suffer in indescribable ways, and I wanted answers. But in my high school years no one seemed to care or understand. So when I got to college and heard about groups like the Take Back the Night Coalition, I thought "A HA! These people will understand." And they did.

When I first started dealing with the emotions that this work brought out, I either used humor or detached reason to avoid dealing with my feelings. Or, I was channeling everything into anger. I had gotten up and spoken during 3 of the 5 Take Back the Night speak-outs that occurred while I was at college. The first two times I launched into angry tirades on those who had violated the people I love. While it is entirely appropriate to be angry about sexual assault, I was EXCLUSIVELY using anger to express all of my feelings. In doing so I was denying my other feelings. An interesting side note: this failure to truly deal with problems on a meaningful, internal level is thought to be the major factor contributing to both chronic depression and suicide in men.

Last March, I was in my final year at college, and, thus, my final Take Back the Night. Because of my embarrassment at previous years, I had told myself I wouldn't speak out. Suddenly I found myself in line. But something was different this time around-I was feeling more scared than angry. It was my turn-I walked up to the mic and began to sob uncontrollably. I don't really even remember what I said, the thing I do remember is how I felt: alive, free, exposed without care. I felt like I had taken a giant step out of the box. I was finally able to be honest with my emotions-there was more I was feeling than anger. This sensation of total release was the most beautiful feeling.

So my advice to all of you, take it or leave it, is to reject the limiting and rigid roles our culture dictates. Finding your own identity in the midst of all the labels, categories, judgments, insults, and pain will not only help to create a more just society, but it will help you realize a potential within yourself you never thought possible.

This article is taken from excerpts of a speech given by Brad Perry during the Take Back the Night Rally at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, Virginia in March of 2001. Bradford C. Perry is a graduate of James Madison University (JMU) in Harrisonburg, Virginia who has much community and professional experience working in the field of sexual assault. Brad has experience working with men's involvement in sexual assault services, as well as a myriad of experience in direct services for victims and survivors of sexual assault. At JMU he was the Men's Programs and Services Coordinator in the Office of Sexual Assault and Substance Abuse Prevention and was involved with the groups Campus Assault Response and Take Back the Night Coalition.